Interlude

Right after finishing my first two posts I sank into a really black mood. I didn’t see the point of writing anything. My brain kept telling me, “No one cares. No one will read it. This is a stupid idea.” I have finally shaken those feelings and decided to finish my Comicon write-ups. A few new ideas for this blog have also popped up. I feel the need to explain a little of what I went through that kept me from finishing. Even if it is only for myself.

I spent four days in a magnificent fantasy land. It was a place where I felt completely accepted and loved for precisely what I am. I was with my people; nerds, geeks, and otaku of all shapes and sizes. I was in my happy place.

Coming back to the real world was an undeniable shock. After such an emotional high, a pretty twisty spiral was inevitable.

At work I felt like servant. My happy script came out flat and cheerless. “Do you have a member card?” tasted like,”Would you like fries with that?” in my mouth. My smile turned fake. The selfish, needy, and rude people totally washed out the regular customers that I usually enjoy interacting with.

At home I felt uncared for. I became snappy with the people close to me. I told myself they didn’t care about what I was doing. If I shared my thoughts and feelings with anyone I would be made fun of.

I am usually a very happy and bubbly person. The massive dive my emotions took made every little thing worse. Things I would usually ignore or get over easily stuck with me and burrowed under my skin.

It took me about a week and a half to realize that I was being completely irrational. I made an effort to connect with my loved ones, tell them how I was feeling, and that I need a little support. I stopped letting work get to me. Customer’s bad attitudes have nothing to do with me. When they leave happy, with a good book in hand, it has everything to do with me.

I am finally feeling capable of finishing my Comicon write ups without sending myself back into a deep dark hole. I want to remember everything that happened. I want to share it.

Coming Soon:

A book review a week (hopefully). I have a couple hundred vintage science fiction and fantasy books. I plan to start plowing through them, reviewing, and maybe putting them up for auction.

Japan Adventures! In August my boyfriend and I are going to JAPAN! We are going on a really cool festival-centric tour and meeting up with friends who will be there at the same time. I’m so excited!

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~ by booknerdgirl on June 26, 2010.

3 Responses to “Interlude”

  1. don’t write for other people, write for your self, if people read that is a bonus.

  2. I am with you on feeling like this… but, you understand as a writer: you are ultimately writing for yourself and theat in itself a selfish exercise. all the paranoia, apathy and fear of zero hits/nobody reading your blog is also reality you are confronting.

    L, you have to write for yourself- and if you want to do this, you must try to write everyday…even if it is the most banal of content. Writing can make you crazy, but it will make you happy if you do it consistantly. Your friends will read it always, but it comes down you my dear.
    So, get the rest of the P-town comicon up. I am interested in reading about it. Ciao! Tv

  3. I’m so sorry to hear about your rough patch. I get like that occasionally too. I’m glad you were able to pull yourself through it!

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